My Karaoke Nights
by TheSwanCaptain
Summary: Emma wanted a peaceful Friday night but she got invited to Ruby's b-day party. What will happen when Regina & Cora crash it? A karaoke jukebox, a magic potion, tequila, whiskey, a wand, a smexy bartender & a surprise visitor from Regina's past pump up the party into a memorable night! My V-day gift for Skywita, feat. Captain Swan, FrankenWolf, Evil Hunter & some Swan Queen "brOTP".
1. Storybrooke Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

_A/N: This is my Valentine's Day gift for the lovely Skywita on Tumblr. :) This is set in a Storybrooke after 2x16, I guess and it includes several beloved characters, including a Captain Swan, FrankenWolf & some Swan Queen "brOTP". __This is by far, the most OOC and wacko ficlet I have (or will have ever) written, but the Valentine object of my Cupid had these personal fantasies and I decided to exploit them! __It is rated M for language and smexy karaoke sing offs, with smut possibly in the near future._ I hope you all like it! Just read this! It's a surprise prompt. :)  


Disclaimer: I do not own anything about the characters of OUAT or their plots, dialogue and such.

* * *

**My Karaoke Nights [Part One]**  
_or_  
_Storybrooke Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_

"_Thank God it's Friday, Thank God it's Friday..._" Emma Swan fervently repeated to herself as she entered Granny's diner at exactly 8:30am and plopped onto one of the stools next to the counter to order breakfast. She arduously massaged the sides of her forehead with her fingertips; this freaking town was driving her insane slowly but surely. Upon her return from Manhattan, she had taken her sheriff badge back from a very weary David as soon as they had stepped into the apartment. She understood his eagerness to take some time off with Mary Margaret after their showdown with the dynamic duo - Regina and her mommy dearest - who had hung their witchcraft low ever since Henry had expressed his interest in meeting his step-grandmother. That seemed to soften Regina, keeping her on track to exorcise her more violent, vengeful self. And how could Emma refuse to keep the kid from bonding with the other side of his step-family when his innocence and his belief in magical, happy-ever-after, fairy-tale endings was going to fade really soon? She could foresee his adolescent phase coming just around the corner, ready to hit anytime now.

And, yes, their 'family' kept _expanding_... so to speak. After the unsuccessful search trip to find Baelfire with Henry and Gold, she didn't have much cheer to embrace the weekend, especially since they'd run into Neal in Manhattan and he undoubtedly stuck with them the second he figured Henry was his son. He had been spending time with the kid in the afternoons after school, and had shown up for dinner a few times with the whole Charming family. Her parents had every intention to know the man who had turned their daughter to the cops - yes, she'd told them the whole story before they could hear it from Neal - after they found out the nasty role that August had played in his decision-making. Mary Margaret and David had been... well, Snow White and Prince Charming, ever polite and good and accepting, but to a short extent. They knew deep down Emma's intention was not to resume her relationship with Neal, but he had a right to spend time with Henry, so they babysat them like hawks while their daughter was working.

Emma wasn't an easy forgiver, though. She only put up with Neal because Henry deserved the same: an opportunity to know his real father, even if he wasn't father material, and also because it would clear her conscience a bit. After all, she had lied about him to Henry. Emma had managed to escape those awkward meetings with her ex for the past three days, attending calls from Gold who reported missing objects from his shop only to find them in the dumpster outside his business, or receiving anon tips to search the woods for any sign of Cora who had been allegedly potion-brewing.

Tonight, all she longed for was to have a free night from all the magical stuff and unwanted family gatherings going on in this place. She'd thought about fleeing with Henry to Boston for the weekend, take him to the movies, or to an amusement park, perhaps - she wanted to give him the happy, normal childhood she never had - but she knew it wouldn't be fair for her parents and the rest of the people who were still imprisoned inside Storybrooke. Well, that and Neal would very likely want to join them, and she wouldn't be able to object if the kid flashed her with yet another 'abandoned puppy' face.

Besides, she needed to escape from other thoughts flooding her mind, having to do with a certain pirate that had stuck with her since the Enchanted Forest. He had escaped from the hospital before she came back from her trip, and oddly enough, he'd kept his annoying presence much to himself. Emma could swear she'd seen him peeking through a window into Granny's diner when the Charming family had met Neal there for dinner once, or hiding behind some trees by the children's new park in the woods when she had taken Henry there one afternoon, Neal tagging along, of course.

Emma could feel his eyes on her even as she walked by the streets or whenever she hopped into her car, although she never turned around to reprimand him. She wouldn't let him know that she felt watched, but she couldn't deny she felt a little disappointed. It wasn't that she was looking forward to seeing him, or the fact that whenever she felt tired about keeping up her tolerant facade with Neal she wanted him to show up and distract her, irritate her even. She'd take Hook's innuendos over Neal's polite conversations any day now, because in fact, the latter scared her off the most.

She let these thoughts linger in her mind for a little bit as she unconsciously, yet viciously, grind to dust the little sugar grains she'd scattered on the counter with a toothpick. She was most definitely going to ask Ruby for a room at the inn tonight, not entertaining the idea of another Friday night with her dubious ex. _What is taking her so long?_ She complained to herself, and as if summoned, Ruby entered the diner from the kitchen, leaving the breakfasts to a table full of the seven dwarves, and walked up to greet Emma.

"Emma! My girl! How are you today?" Ruby hugged her tightly. "Seems like you have been trampled over by a bunch of trolls and it's only Friday morning! 'Sup with the attitude?" She inquired, eyeing her up and down.

_How can she be always so bubbly, come hell or high water?!_ Emma pondered, _very rich coming from a wolf girl._ "Oh, shush," she finally retorted, "I want my usual and forget the hot chocolate, make it a _triple_ latte please." She tossed away the scattered sugar grains and the broken pieces of the toothpick absentmindedly.

"That bad, huh?" The brunette inquired with a shot eyebrow at the damaged goods but quickly conjured a smirk. "Who's been keeping you so busy? Don't tell me it's jet lag," she playfully added, "'cause Manhattan's not that far away... is it?" She queried, pursing her lips in _faux_ concentration as she started to prep her latte, knowing full well how to play dumb to make her blonde friend spill the beans.

"Oh, God, I wish!" Emma rolled her eyes, and continued with a lower voice, leaning toward Ruby, "it's this fairy-tale-character-ridden-town, _everyone_ needs the sheriff for _everything_ it seems..." She emphasized, throwing her hands up in the air in defeat.

"Mmmhmmm," Ruby muttered, her incredulous face not buying her excuse.

Emma defended herself immediately. "No, really! I picked the _worst_ job in this little town. The fairies - uh, I mean, the nuns - needed help setting up a pair of children with their missing parents; the dwarves needed permit to use a large field just in the outskirts of town "for crops" you know - which makes you think why would they want to reconsider their life trade - and the field had turned out to be the city's property, so I had to roam through every square foot of the land to check it and negotiate with Regina to get her permission. Gold made me install a surveillance system in the library, without telling Belle it was his idea - she apparently still believes he's some sort of psycho who tried to sell her a true love story - and, of course, Belle had to let me into the library at night so her neighbors wouldn't be alarmed by her extra cautious prevention measures, 'cos you know how they ran like little ants when Anton decided to use their cars for toys while we weren't here, cars that, by the way, David hadn't filed as total loss yet. Oh! And, yeah, the cherry on top of my welcome back cake was, that I had to arrest Leroy like _three_ times this week and charge him for public drinking since he'd been roaming around town inebriated because Astrid wouldn't consent to see him thanks to that Blue-bug fairy-queen mother-inferior who brainwashed her into the nunnery and-"

"Ok, ok, I got it!" Ruby exclaimed about to lose her patience, shoving her palm adamantly toward Emma and arching her eyebrows. "You've loads of sheriff business going on... Which is why, I want to invite you to a little outing I've planned for tonight", she excitedly confided in a quieter voice, handing Emma her latte. "I've conditioned a small place to hang out, and I invited a small party of girlfriends. We'll have a _blast_, I promise," she assured, flashing her wolfish grin.

"Oh... really?" Emma sighed. She was so tired she couldn't even try to conceal the disappointment in her voice.

"Why the pucker?" Ruby cried, her demeanor had changed completely to that of a child who'd seen her Hello Kitty _piñata_ viciously savaged by brats.

"Well, I just wanted to escape from my apartment for tonight. I figured Neal would like a 'boy's night' with Henry, and I was _really_ hoping to get a blackout sleep at Granny's B&B... You know, watch a movie and doze off... until tomorrow afternoon at the very least." She explained, eyes closed as she envisioned the scene, pinching her nose bridge with her left hand, her right hand holding her latte for warmth.

"Oh, seriously?! That's your plan on a Friday night?"Ruby chided at Emma, "when did you trade places with Granny?" Her head tilted to the side, laying a hand on her hip and the other on the table, rolling her nails upon the counter. After a few silent seconds, the girl said, "I'm afraid that as your best friend I can't let you do that", shaking her head in disapproval.

_I've been back for a week and we're already besties?_ "I thought you were best friends with Snow _and_ Belle, and don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous... in fact I'm cool with it." Emma pointed out, taking a sip from her latte to see if she could distract her.

Ruby gaped at her, her mind quickly coming up with a convincing argument. "Emma Swan, you've been coming to the diner for the last _three weeks_ to hang out with me, a boring waitress by day, slash, wolf girl by full moon night, from 8pm till we're closed and don't tell me you've haven't had _any_ fun." Ruby remarked, eyes open wide, handing a paper bag to Emma with her breakfast.

She was right, it had been almost a month since Emma came back from Manhattan. "Well, yeah, we've had our laughs," Emma realized with a small smile. Her mental lagoons had come back today from all the stress she was having, but she remembered those late nights with her witty friend, sometimes making fun of Storybrooke's most awkward residents or occasionally involving whiskey and serious girl talk, as in I've-wanted-to-murder-a-pirate-for-so-long-but-I'm-secretly-crushing-on-him-and-I'll-never-admit-to-that kind of girl talk. Ruby had become her confident, her tall glass of water whenever she felt parched by work or family issues. She still was Emma's godmother, but that didn't seem awkward at all anymore. Maybe it had to do with the fact that they were single and free-spirited, both craving adventure and hoping to watch Storybrooke fade away from the mirrors of their cars one day. Their lives hadn't been a pink or dreamy fairytale, and they found they expected similar things out of life.

Emma smiled at Ruby and saw this excuse as an opportunity. "And as my best friend, you'll understand that I'm extraordinarily tired and let me stay at your room since you're going out late... and _please_ let me use your bathtub in your absence?" She pleaded, hoping Ruby would be merciful to her.

"And I really cannot believe you forgot," Ruby had one hand placed upon her chest, feigning to be offended, "today's my birthday!"

"Oh shit!" Emma exclaimed, closing her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Ruby! I'll... make it up to you?" Her expression was apologizing; she didn't know if she should hug Ruby again, so she waited for her reaction.

Ruby leaned her back into the cupboard behind her, chewing her index finger as she eyed Emma, deep in thought. "How about... I forgive you for this and I'll let you sleep over and use my bathtub _if_ you agree to come to the party, huh?" She offered, her eyebrows wriggling in temptation.

Emma contemplated Ruby's proposal, her mouth opening to hopefully utter an excuse, but she couldn't refuse. It was Ruby's birthday and, in all honesty, she wasn't prepared to meet her furry friend for a payback scare in a few nights to come. "Okay, we have a deal," she reluctantly agreed. Ruby squealed a '_yay' _and waved her fisted hands up in excitement. Emma rolled out a ten dollar bill from her jacket and placed it on the counter, taking her breakfast as she quipped playfully, "but I'm doing this for the bubble bath. Are we clear?"

"Oh, sure you are," Ruby replied with a wink. "We'll meet you here a few minutes before 9pm, okay? Bring your beetle," she ordered.

Emma stood up from the stool and started walking away, smile vanishing. "Sure, sure," she waved back dismissively. She opened the door, when she heard Ruby call behind her, "Oh, and Emma, dress up fancy!" She yanked her head around, a mortified look on her face. _Are you kidding me?_

Ruby must have anticipated her response, for she answered, "I'm not kidding, I'll leave you a change of clothes in our guest room. No backing off our deal." She was glaring at her and pointing her index and middle finger from her eyes toward hers' and back.

Emma sighed and nodded. "Sure thing, birthday girl," she called as she exited the diner to head towards the station.

* * *

The day had gone by ridiculously slowly, and Emma tensed at the probability that the entire town had fallen asleep or under a spell, because no one had called, or complained, or caused any trouble. It was almost 5 o'clock and she had finished all the week's paperwork, cleaned up a little... Hell! She even took a thirty-minute nap after lunch completely undisturbed.

She was losing her mind right now, anxiously glancing at her phone for a last-minute emergency that would separate her from her dear bubble-bath, but thankfully it never came. As the sheriff's office clock struck five, Emma darted through the door and locked it, hopping into her car to pick up her stuff at home and giving directions to Neal before she revved her bug toward Granny's B&B.

* * *

_Oh, this is_ _amazing_, Emma basked in the joys of Ruby's bathtub. She was submerged in bubbles from neck to toes; the scent of cinnamon and vanilla lighted candles engulfed her, sparking up her endorphin levels to the sky. _'Whenever I'm alone with you...'_ Adele's womanly, sultry voice was echoing from her cellphone as she reached for the last of the strawberries in the bowl on the nightstand beside the tub. Emma nibbled eternally at it, wanting to prolong her bath. What a way to kiss goodbye a really stressful week. She wriggled her toes in delight when she noticed that her feet had the texture of raisins. How long had she been there?

_Shoot!_ Emma sprung out of the bathtub, gripping the towel hanging from the wall to keep her from falling. She glanced at her cellphone,_ 8:15_. She had to hurry to catch up with Ruby, who, most likely, was already changed, with heavy makeup and sassy hair, waiting for her at the diner. She quickly blow-dried her hair, and curled it in soft, sexy waves, applied her classic makeup look, winging the eyeliner a little more than usual and bolted into the bedroom, finding a red body-con cocktail dress and black lace-and-mesh four-inch heels. Emma briefly remembered the last time she went to catch a criminal in Boston; the outfit wasn't too far from what her friend had assembled for her tonight. _Jeez, she's got good intuition._ She sure hoped that Ruby hadn't planned anything wild tonight, like strippers or pole-dancers as she slipped on the dress and balanced on the heels, at the same time thanking the heavens that Ruby had not left her with some weird, outdated outfit from Fairy Tale Land or Granny's closet. She saw Ruby's perfume on the counter and spritzed herself a few times before putting on her black leather jacket and exiting the B&B.

Emma whirled her yellow bug to a stop in front of the diner just as the clock tower struck nine. Ruby was already at the door, looking like a model from Forever 21, wearing a sleeved, short, little black dress with cutouts on each side of her waist, a golden necklace with a werewolf figurine hanging from it and black booties with metallic spikes protruding from the toe point. Her gray fur vest and her smokey eyes gave her impatient expression a fuming, predatorial look, causing Emma to dart out of the cart half-apologizing and half-falling over the irregular stones of the diner's sidewalk, resembling a new-born deer walking for the first time. "So, so sorry! Blame Adele! And the bubbles, and the strawberries..." she grimaced, her voice rising an octave with every excuse.

Ruby rolled her eyes and shook her head in amusement, a small smile playing on the corners of her lips. "Don't worry Emz, you're right on time. Look, here comes Belle," she motioned to the back of her car with her head, walking down the stone path with ease, despite her killer heels.

Emma thought for a second that Belle was headed to a different party altogether, dressed in a deep blue silk blouse and Scottish tartan skirt, her grey petticoat and tights covering most of her skin. She looked timid as ever as she waved at Emma but awkwardly hugged Ruby, handing her a small, red velvet box. "Happy birthday, Ruby. This is for all the nights you stayed over and helped me settle in my new apartment," she beamed, wagging her arms to the sides shyly.

"_Awww_, Belle! You didn't have to..." Ruby bit her lip when she opened the box and saw a silver chain that chimed with small, round bells hanging from it. "Oh-my-God! It's super pretty! Thank you sooo much," she squealed in delight, hugging Belle so tightly that she had to shoot Emma a choking look.

"All righty, let's go girls or this bug is going to turn into a pumpkin in a few more hours," Emma commanded. The girls obediently climbed inside the car.

"Where are we going?" Belle asked as Emma started the car.

"To the docks!" Ruby chanted in excitement, stretching her hand out to point in the direction Emma should drive.

_Oh, this is going to be great_, Emma's conscience talked to her with heavy sarcasm. "Rubes, I really hope your 'party place' is not going to be a boat-I mean, ship," Emma casually threatened.

Ruby glanced at her curiously. "And what if it is?"

Emma had a feeling that her intuitive copilot had smelled fear running through her veins - or heard her stomach churning. "It would be a terrible idea, because... I... get motion sickness," she justified.

Ruby kept studying Emma, not satisfied with her answer, but she let it go and offered, "well, I _did_ try to get us a ship, a _very_ fancy one, actually. Unfortunately, my powers of persuasion and my very meager stock of savings couldn't buy it for us - tonight." She sighed out loud in disappointment, but secretly enjoyed her charade, gauging Emma's reaction out of the corner of her eye.

Emma's eyebrows shot up in appreciation. So Ruby _had_ been intent on partying aboard Hook's ship, and her persuasion - she shivered at the thought - or money - which wasn't as shiny and therefore not as attractive as gold - couldn't get the pirate to comply with her wishes. _But, why?_ Emma pondered; she could bet that Hook had an attention-craving personality and a flirtatious and curious nature whenever women were involved - so, the fact that he hadn't surrendered to Ruby's charms was baffling to her. Nevertheless, she kept her poker face while driving and managed to scurry through Ruby's alertness, questioning Belle on how she felt settling in Storybrooke after her hospitalization.

Once they arrived at their destination, Emma exited the car with her eyes open wide with wonder. She vaguely remembered the old, abandoned building - a fisherman's hut by the look of it - prior to the remodeling. Now it looked more like a small cabin fashioned into a tavern, the dark timbers freshly painted and correctly aligned. A dinghy was cut in half and cushioned, both pieces resting outside below the windows, resembling a living room, welcoming them. Bright, Christmas light bulbs twinkled above, and the flirty guitar notes of The Black Keys beckoned them to enter.

"What did you do to this place?" Emma gaped, dazzled.

"I had some... _eager_ helpers that happened to be out of a job," Ruby confessed with half a grin. "And they fixed the place and vamped it up for tonight. You're gonna love it!" She sang, opening the door and letting them in.

Belle stepped into the cabin first, careful as if about to walk into a trap, whereas Emma practically pranced inside, feeling the rush of a promising night through her veins. Golden lights dimly lit the room from above by a simple chandelier. Surrounding it, flags of every color that Emma had never seen before or recognized, some a little torn and discolored, were hung from the high ceiling. Several small tables were scattered across the room, made from barrels and round or square pieces of wood that resembled old doors and frames that once sustained Victorian paintings. Little oil lamps were placed upon the tables which were scarcely clothed in dark blue bandanas, giving the place a cozy, intimate atmosphere. In front of the entrance lay a sturdy, rectangular wooden plank supported by more barrels that served as a bar, for behind it, there were a few shelves displaying an incredible array of glasses and liquors that Emma never thought possible of ever being sold in the little time-frozen town. An old helm hung on one side of the bar, on the other, a colorful fisherman's net ran across the entire wall until it was scooped up to the ceiling by two hats, signaling the entrance to the bathrooms. One was a black topper - for the guy's - and the other was a violet-velvet broad-brimmed hat with a couple of feathers - for the girl's. At the far end of the room was a dart board and a small stage with a pair of microphones connected to a jukebox, for karaoke. It was currently playing Lonely Boy.

_Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh... I got a love that keeps me waiting..._

"I like it," Emma confirmed after drinking in the whole look of the bar, whirling around on her heels, a small, approbatory smile on her face. "It's not the typical American bar, but, then again, _what_ is typical in this town?" She scoffed.

"It is... quaint," Belle observed, running fingers on a wooden stool before she decided to sit down.

"Mmmno, I think it has... _potential_," Emma mused with eyes half shut, her back facing the bar, elbows reclined upon the plank. She could see herself coming here for drinks after Ruby's shifts. It possessed the right amount of light and rustic furniture to teleport her back to a tavern in Fairy Tale Land, and the sassy music selection was the cherry on top - best of both worlds. "Nice work," the blonde complimented and the wolf girl in question suddenly smiled and quickly shifted her gaze to Belle, who was busy studying the patterns of the golden frames of her table.

"I feel honored," a warm, manly voice whispered behind Emma, causing her to turn around brusquely, spraining one of her ankles. She swiftly gripped the plank to avoid tumbling down, and the pirate's hand steadied her arm while he chuckled with mirth.

"Hook!" Emma snapped. "Don't creep upon people like that, you almost gave me a heart attack!" She chided, slapping at his steadfast hand once she regained her balance.

"That was the idea," he smoldered at her, "figuratively."

She couldn't believe it. The one person she least expected to see was disrupting their girls' night and dressed in his usual black leather pants and black shirt, only this time he wore a red vest on top that enhanced his cocky and attractive qualities. He shouldn't be allowed to wear that silky-smooth-looking garment around her, especially since they looked like a couple, dressed in matching black and red. "What are you doing here?" She asked him in frustration, but her head turned towards Ruby with a dull look that demanded an explanation.

"Well, you didn't expect me to work on my birthday, did you?" She explained, shrugging her shoulders. "I needed a bartender and he had all the time in the world to learn, so I taught him all I knew about cocktails and Leroy covered the rest for me in the afternoons."

"So that's why I've had to arrest him on a daily basis this week!?" Emma hissed, her hands placed upon her hips.

Ruby shot her a remorseful look, crooking her smile, "uh... sorry?"

But Emma could not retort back for out of the bathroom 'curtains' came a thunderous roar. "SURPRISE!"

Out of the bathrooms fled a multitude of their friends: Granny, Archie and Geppetto, Jefferson and Whale, the seven dwarves and Anton, Katherine, Ashley and Sean, Blue and Nova, Mary Margaret and David, and several other characters that Emma had once seen striding on the streets. They formed a line to hug Ruby and congratulate her and, when Whale's turn came at the end of the line, Emma noticed he took more time than necessary hugging her friend. His genuine smiles formed wrinkles around his eyes, and he was unusually chatty and perky - nothing like the ladies' man she (and her mother) used to know. Ruby was returning each of his small, shy smiles with big, wide ones, but they weren't flirty, they were encouraging. Her eyes twinkled with hope; something deeper was going on between them that Ruby had failed to mention to Emma in their late nights.

"What's up with those two?" Emma asked Hook in concern.

"Do you ever stop shooting questions, love?" He questioned back, placing several beer mugs upon the counter. "I thought you left your gun and sheriff badge at home," his tone was biting, his smirk playful.

"Who says I can't be sheriff right now? It's a 24/7 job and I always come prepared," Emma countered with confidence, her eyes half-shut as she leaned further onto the plank.

"Oooh, I'm afraid guns aren't allowed on my bar, lass," he purred, bending his shoulders for support as he inclined his face closer to Emma's. "I'm gonna have to _confiscate_ it."

"Good luck finding it," Emma's involuntary lower voice made the simple, irritated answer sound like a dare.

"Careful, love. Don't you forget I love a challenge," Killian warned, his gaze venturing down to her cleavage. "You look ravishing in that red dress of yours, by the way," he complimented with a wink and escaped into the small kitchen.

Emma should have eye-rolled at him or retorted back, but instead, she stood tongue-tied, her cheeks flushed bright red. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Regina Mills drove from the grocery store with Cora. Both were quiet, their faces impassive. They had fought_ yet again_.

"_Mother, I explicitly told you _not_ to practice magic for the time being since the sheriff almost caught you in the woods yesterday! And what were you doing? Trying to poison someone?" Regina had sternly complained after she found Cora in the kitchen, 'baking an apple turnover for dinner'. She saw a small puff of purple smoke coming out of her oven when she arrived home super late from work. Her mother had played dumb about using magic and of course Regina snapped in fury when out of her oven darted several three-foot tall flares of fire. Cora had cleaned the kitchen conspicuously fast while Regina ran to fetch the fire extinguisher from her garden shed and put out the flames._

_"What is _that_ contraption my dear?" Cora asked curiously after Regina succeeded in saving most of the right wing of her kitchen._

_"If you wanted to even suggest to use magic to clean up this mess, I swear I won't speak to you ever again," she answered between clenched teeth, visibly pissed off. "Let's go get some take out for dinner, and for the record, I've always hated your cooking anyway."_

After that, they both remained silent. Regina couldn't help but notice there was a sweet scent in the air between them. Maybe Cora had bought another perfume, but she was too proud to be the first to break the silence. Granny's had been shut early and she made a mental note to order a sanitary inspection in the little restaurant for causing the mayor so much trouble in finding a decent dinner. They ended up going to the grocery store and had reluctantly bought the last of the frozen fish bites - the only food or frozen anything - left in the store.

As Regina drove down the road back from the store, she couldn't help but notice there were some lights down by the docks. Some cars, no doubt, were parked near the old fisherman's hut - the place she had intended to demolish once she had finished the construction of the children's park but forgot to do with all the commotion of the past weeks. She turned her Benz around the road making a forced 'U' turn and then veered her vehicle down the gravel road while speed-dialing the sheriff. However, the blonde keeper of order and peace of Storybrooke wasn't answering. She parked in the only small place left between David's truck and Whale's Navigator with skill, feeling all the uneasy looks of six dwarves drinking a beer as she stepped out of the car.

"Do the world a favor and stay here, mother," Regina curtly commanded to her curious copilot. The mayor slammed the door loudly as her black Louboutin heels stomped on the gray sand beneath her, people eyeing her. Apparently, all of Storybrooke had decided to use the hap-hazard place to throw a party. Not that she cared about the people more than she cared about them obviously running over her authority to use the building, a building who had been apparently replaced by_ a bar?!_

Her indignation rose even more when she entered the overly noisy place and eyed Sheriff Swan sitting in a stool, lazily chewing a cherry stem in front of the barman, who managed to peel an orange and chop its skin skillfully for having only one hand and a hook.

"_Ahem_," Regina rasped her throat, her hands placed upon her hips. Her venomous stare pierced the sheriff - melting her brains and carving two cylindrical holes through her skull, at least on Regina's mind - when she turned her head around, her eyes opening wide in surprise. "Not expecting me here, sheriff Swan?" Regina retorted in a lower octave, yet loud enough for Emma to hear the irritation in her voice.

"Uhm, no, not at all, Madame Mayor," Emma nervously conceded, an eyebrow shooting up and a thin smile on her face. "To what do we owe the... pleasure of your visit?"

"No one asked for the city council's permission to use this property, sheriff. I'm gonna have to lock you all up for breaking and entering." Regina smiled viciously this time, savoring her immediate vengeance, her arms crossed over her chest in satisfaction.

Emma gulped - Ruby would be devastated.

"Oh Regina, be a dear and let's stay over! This party is the most exciting thing that ever happened in this little, sad town - magic aside, of course," the Evil Queen Mother chuckled, hopping onto the stool farthest from Emma. "Look!" She pointed toward the stage, "at least the two idiots are singing and making fun of themselves! This is so much better than watching the Kardashians, _Gina_." She clapped, her pitch rising.

Emma couldn't help but laugh at Cora's behavior, losing the tension that had formed on her shoulders as she pictured all the probable scenarios that would happen if the attendants refused to comply with Regina's demands.

"MOTHER!" Regina chided, looking like a fifteen year-old who had just been embarrassed by her mother. "How many times have I told you not to call me that?!"

Cora remained engrossed with the little show happening on stage. Mary Margaret and David were singing _Love Don't Come Easy_ in the cheesiest manner ever; she was dancing around David with a hand picking up the hem of her skirt and the other holding the microphone, singing "_but how many heartaches must I stand, before I find a love to let me live again?_" David was equally thrown into the song, snapping with his fingers at every line, looking as if he was projecting himself through the lyrics, "_I remember Momma said, don't hurry love, you'll just have to wait, she said love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take..._"

If Emma had never been embarrassed by her parents before, Cora's snide laughter managed to make her forehead drop loudly in the counter repeatedly.

Regina realized that no one cared about her opinion and she plopped onto a stool between Emma and her mother. "Very well," she said, tugging at her pencil skirt to straighten it, and unbuttoning the first two buttons of her deep blue silk blouse, "I might as well get comfortable... whose party is this?"

"It's Ruby's b-day party," Emma muffled, her forehead still lying close to the table. "How do birthdays work on Fairy Tale Land, by the way? And do you really watch the Kardashians?!" She scoffed at Regina.

"It's none of your business, Sheriff Swan..." she coldly replied. Once Hook disappeared into the pantry again, however, she whispered, "but, I happen to be a fan of Kim Kardashian's style."

"Oh..." Emma's face was surprised by the mayor's confirmation of Cora's revelation, when she heard a vain attempt at clapping around her. Her parent's song was over and she immediately started clapping louder and faster than the few people indoors, with a mask of admiration in her face, earning an endearing look from David while Mary Margaret blew her a kiss as they stepped down from the stage.

"You are quite the actress, Sheriff Swan," Regina marked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh come on," Emma cocked her head and rolled her eyes, "they weren't that bad... Or where they?" She doubted, biting her lip.

"Do you seriously want me to answer that question? I occasionally watch the music reality shows that my mother watches, I totally root for the ruthless judges," Regina warned.

"Cora watches those?" Emma inquired. "I never would have guessed."

"Mmm-hmm! Love me some Adam Levine!" Cora passionately confessed, eliciting a laugh from Ruby who had come for more drinks.

"Madame Mayor, Mrs. Mills," she saluted with caution, hoping the mayor wouldn't make her go to jail on her birthday for hijacking the place for the night.

Just then, Hook came back, carrying a few more bottles of whiskey, rum, vodka and one of tequila. "What's your poison for the night, ladies?" He asked, refilling Emma's glass of whiskey and Ruby's shot glasses with vodka, the latter fleeing like a guilty fugitive of the law before the mayor decided to summon fire from the heavens to kill their little gathering.

"Do I look like I need a drink?" Regina angrily snapped at Hook.

He responded with his hand and hook defensively raised, "chillz, lass, no need to commit murder tonight."

Emma came to his rescue as well, "Madame Mayor, just relax! And, if I didn't know you better, I'd say you would love a glass of apple cider. I bet it gets you dizzy in a minute," she mocked, baiting her, knowing full well that Regina wouldn't tolerate a dare by Emma Swan to go unpunished.

And she rose up to the challenge, "give me the hardest thing you've got, _pirate_. And rum is out of the question," she commanded, eyeing the liquor selection behind him. Emma scowled, mentally bracing herself for the innuendo coming up.

Killian didn't disappoint. "As it happens, your majesty, you'll have to specify as to which hard thing it is that you want, for I have several," he purred with a smirk, cleaning the fluted end of a bottle of Cabernet with a red rug, rubbing it up and down suggestively.

Much to Emma's despair, Regina didn't refuse. Instead, she sat straighter on her stool, both hands crossed over her lap, her eyes feral and dangerously seductive, full of eye-sex for the leather clad pirate. He felt her cheeks flush red involuntarily with _jealousy?_ and she bellowed, "would it kill you to pour a shot of tequila and slice a lemon?"

Killian chuckled, mesmerized. His ruse to test if Emma would be upset for some royal pain competition for his toned ass had proved him right. He poured the shot and handed it over to Regina.

"I would like... sex on the beach, if you don't mind," Cora leered, her _botoxed_ cheeks looking even creepier while she grinned, putting the Cheshire cat of her Wonderland to shame.

Emma spat out her whiskey so hard it sprayed on the bottles of liquor in the front shelf. _Oh God, have mercy and kill me just now! S_he thought, not being able to avert her eyes from Cora, like when you see a horrifying movie that you didn't want to watch but out of morbid curiosity, you can't leave the theater.

"MOTHER!" Regina scowled for the second time tonight, her lips puckered up in disgust.

"What?" Her mother grunted, "it's a cocktail. I saw it on Jersey Shore. _Those_ people definitely know how to party," she pointed out, her arm waving in a circle with her index finger sticking out. _Unlike you two nuns_, she seemed to say with her wry eyes.

The two women grasped Cora's unsaid accusation, their shoulders slouching as they realized this party was going to be an EPIC FAIL in the history of Storybrooke OR Fairy Tale Land for that matter. Archie had hopped onto the stage and had begun to sing Josh Groban's _You Raise Me Up_ with Geppetto. There was nothing chirpy about his voice - in fact, he was really as good as Josh - but Emma noticed that half the people were out drinking beer over the hood of their cars listening to Lil' Wayne songs, Ruby and Whale included, and the other half that were still inside were dozing off in their seats.

"You're obviously expecting too much out of these poor peasants, mother," Regina condescended, drowning her shot of tequila with a swift tilt of her head, the fiery amber liquid tingling its way down to her stomach, and she shuddered as she slammed the empty little glass in front of Killian. "Another one! Besides, something out of this world would have to happen to save this puny party."

_Be careful what you wish for_, Killian thought, recognizing Cora's smug face of instant, mischievous perpetration. He had seen many a look like that on her withered face, and he was certain she was up to no good this time.

Cora sipped her cocktail and turned around the stool to look for the perfect object that would carry out her plan, a lonely, lost person, one who would have enough of a broken heart to accept a deal with her for tonight. And she was thankful that she had brought the brew that had finally been finished a couple of hours ago in her daughter's kitchen and Regina had not picked up on it.

_Bingo!_ She mentally chimed as her victim entered the men's bathroom, jumping out her seat, changing her face to a mask of utter concern before walking toward her dearly beloved daughter. "Regina, I forgot to lock the Benz and my purse just happens to be under my seat. Would you be a dear and fetch it for me? I can't see the show without my glasses on," she spoke in an innocent voice, caressing her cheek.

Emma frowned upon hearing her request - something wasn't adding up to her sudden interest in the stage - but it wasn't odd enough for Regina, who was tired of arguing for the night and just sighed, "fine."

Cora smiled at her and plucked a hair from her head in a swift move as Regina stood up to leave.

"Ouch!" Regina scowled, bringing a hand to her nape.

"Sorry! Must have tangled my wrist watch in your hair!" Cora apologized.

Regina grunted and exited the bar, and Cora then walked up to the men's bathroom and entered without hesitation. Emma and Killian had been witnessing the whole scene and Emma raised an eyebrow when Cora did not come out of the bathroom quickly. "One would believe that she would know the difference between the ladies' and the men's bathroom," she observed.

"Unless..." Killian trailed off, grimacing and blinking and shaking his head vehemently before he burst into laughter.

"Gosh, _ewww_! You're an ass!" Emma bellowed as she figured out his thoughts, "now I'm _definitely_ having nightmares tonight." She pictured a transexual Cora running around her dreams in a slutty outfit having drinks with Snooky and she immediately regretted it. Two glasses of whiskey were messing with her brain already.

"That can be fixed," Killian purred in half a smirk, licking his fang suggestively.

Emma rolled her eyes and stood up, "keep smiling buddy."

* * *

Leroy almost fell onto the urinal when he heard the door of the bathroom lock up behind him. "Oh shit, I must be really drunk if I'm imagining mommy witch here," he mumbled to himself.

Cora giggled in amusement. "My my, look what the cat dragged in. You're in a most wasted state, _dwarf_. I bet you're the black sheep of your pitiful gang."

"What do you want, _bitshshch_?" He fumed with slurry words.

"I've come in peace to offer you a deal." Cora ingenuously stated.

"I don't make deals with sorry-ass, double-crossing witchesss," Leroy hissed and tried to bolt toward the door, but Cora stopped him with a flick of her wrist. An invisible force stopped him in his tracks and his eyes widened in surprise, suddenly sobering up.

"I'm sure you'll be interested if you heard my proposal," she said coolly. "I've been watching you and it seems you have a soft spot for the clumsy fairy that is right outside talking to Belle."

"What's she to you?" He angrily blurted, "don't you dare harm her!"

"Oh," she chuckled, "so I was right. You see, I can give you what you want: I can convince the sodden Blue fairy to let Astrid have her _happy ever after_ with you. I have a small favor to collect from her."

Leroy was definitely thrown off balance by Cora's unusual interest in their forbidden love affair. "So, you want to play cupid here or what?" He asked in confusion.

"Ha! No, not, play... _bargain_." Cora sneered. Of course she wanted a favor, but how far would the dwarf be willing to go?

"What's your deal, witch?" Leroy inquired. He did want a second chance to charm Astrid, and now that all their memories were restored, that might just be easier if not for the Mother Superior - Blue. To convince that one uptight fairy, he would certainly need supernatural help.

Cora extracted the small flask with swirling sparkly-amber water from her jacket and dangled it in front of Leroy. "Easy. You'll drink this little potion I made and twenty-four hours from now you'll have Astrid at your feet," she promised.

"I just drink it?" He scoffed incredulously, still not trusting Cora's _easy_ price. "I mean, what's the catch? Turning into a frog?"

"There is _no_ catch, dwarf, I just need a favor to get back in my daughter's good graces," Cora hastily explained, losing her patience. "And you won't remember anything happening on this night if you're concerned about your so-called righteous reputation."

Leroy was a little dizzy from his heavy drinking since 3pm, but still, he saw no way out of his tortuous predicament other than accepting Cora's offering. "Okay, gimme that," he stretched his hand to grab the flask before Cora decided to disappear.

"_Tsk tsk tsk_, patience, it's not done yet," Cora chided, and quickly plucked a hair out of his extended arm, eliciting a grunt from the grumpy dwarf. Then she pulled out another small flask of crystalline water and emptied it into the amber one. She shook the contents a little and tossed Regina's and Leroy's hairs into the potion, bubbles raising to the mouth of the flask. She finally slopped half of the potion into the second flask, dividing the portions.

He could smell the potions' sweet scent and was baffled by the chemical (or magical?) reactions that he just saw happen. "I think I have a right to know what kind of potion is that. It's not corrosive, is it?"

Cora gave him a dull look before dignifying to answer, "I made a powerful potion that used crucial mementos from my daughter's past, like apples from her tree, and water from the wishing well as the catalyst. That water will bring back a person with whom she was close to and had a strong, unresolved issue with - like a sudden death. She will have an opportunity tonight to make amends with that person, giving them their final rest. Say, like her father Henry... or Daniel," Cora pensively exemplified.

"And you think she won't suspect a thing about their returns if they're dead?" Leroy barked. "And I don't know who they were to go look for them at the well and bring them back here."

Cora smiled, the dimwitted dwarf had not understood the effects that the potion would have on him. Obviously having thought about this for a long time, Cora figured tonight's party was the perfect excuse to lure Regina into drinking the potion. She wouldn't get a chance like this one in the next few weeks. "Although I'm not sure in what emotional phase they will come back or if they will be out of their character, Regina won't suspect because I'll pour one flask on her tequila. And don't worry about the potion, it will taste like a mild soda. Now drink it, we don't have all night," she instructed, handing over the potion to Grumpy.

Leroy took one flask and drank it in a gulp. He felt all the more dizzy, his head spinning so wildly that he had to grab the sink forcefully to keep him from falling. "Wha-?" He gasped when he saw his face in the mirror, starting to melt around the edges, the orange potion tingling and gurgling across his chest, arms and feet, changing his features to those of a brawny, auburn-haired, familiar man. His vision clouded and he couldn't see anything anymore; all was black around him and he felt himself falling into a dark pit, nauseated.

When he collapsed on the floor unconscious, Cora jolted in surprise. She had expected to see Daniel and was prepared to flee the second he showed up. But the man before her was different. Chestnut curls framed his face, along with a well-trimmed beard, his plump, red lips protruding from it. His chiseled face and body only made her sigh wantonly. How was it possible that her daughter had lost interest in this mysteriously good-looking fella, clad in blue shirt and tie, simple jeans and a brown vest? Or what had he done to deserve her wrath?

She kicked his head gently and he flung open his fawn eyes, letting in a sharp breath. "Come now, sweetheart, get up! Regina awaits!" Cora ordered, exiting the bathroom. Her curiosity was piqued - she was definitely going to stay to discover who was this man that had such a strong connection to Regina's past that he had come back from the dead to right Regina's wrongs against him.

* * *

Fortunately, the sheriff was not on her previous seat and Hook was outside passing more beer around. Regina was not on her seat either, and Cora quickly poured the remaining potion into the half-full tequila shot to make it look like it had been refilled. Her plan was working out perfectly, the amber potion mixed invisibly with the tequila, Regina would never notice.

"Mother!" The mayor called from behind her, causing her to jump nervously. "Leave my drink alone," she warned, sitting on the stool, facing the liquor counter, and drowned the shot in a second. Cora watched expectantly as Regina grimaced in pleasure, licking her lips. "This tequila was better than the last," she mumbled and reclined onto the plank fiercely for she felt her head spin a little. "Wow, and stronger," she realized, blinking twice, feeling her fingers tingle with warmth.

"Hello, Regina," a deep voice with a hint of an Irish accent called behind her. She would recognize that baritone anywhere, blindfolded.

Regina whirled around on her seat, gaping at the charming man that stood in front of her with arms crossed. "Graham?" She wistfully beamed with sparkling eyes.

* * *

_A/N: And that's it for this first chapter! I really hope Skywita likes it, 'cause she's a Regina/Graham shipper and she asked for this some time ago! Happy (belated) Valentine's day! :D Next chapter will feature sassy Musical!Hook and Musical!Graham. :)  
_


	2. I've got a stupid grin 4 a troublemaker

_A/N: Thanks to everyone that followed, favorited and reviewed this wacko ficlet! I didn't expect this reaction out of you, especially since this is a present for Skywita on Tumblr and I had to bring her baby Graham back from the dead. I'm sorry that I hadn't posted anything until now, I've had workloads to do and I've also been having such a hard time keeping the interesting stuff/humor and the thinking/angst in balance. This second chapter explains everyone's reaction to finding Graham and some have fun, others have angst and confused feelings (as it should be expected). But, please bear with me because after that, things really hit off between the two pairings. ;) Enjoy!_

Disclaimer on previous chapter. And I don't own any of the lyrics or songs featured in this fic.

* * *

**My Karaoke Nights [Part Two]**  
_or_  
_I've got a stupid grin for a troublemaker._

Emma was animatedly chatting with Snow, Astrid and Belle on their table right in front of the now empty stage when Belle drifted away from the conversation, her gaze following a tall, familiar man that had exited the bathroom and now made his way to the bar.

"What is it, Belle?" Mary Margaret asked, noticing that she didn't laugh like the rest after the last dummy joke Astrid narrated.

"I think... I know that man," Belle pensively said as she squinted her eyes to bring back the memory. "I met him once... upon a dream?"

"Stealing Aurora's fairy tale lines, huh?" Emma tsked in amusement, having a little more whiskey in her veins, not even bothering to turn her head to the subject that had caught her mother and Astrid's attention and rendered them speechless.

"Em-ma," Mary Margaret muttered after she gulped her _piña colada_ in surprise, elbowing her, "correct me if I'm already drunk, but I think you should see _that_."

Her daughter swirled around in her stool to watch a very flustered Regina gaping at the former - _and supposedly deceased_ - sheriff. Cora remained silent by their side, her eyes jumping from Regina's face to Graham's.

"Shouldn't he be extinct as a dinosaur?" Astrid spoke aloud her thoughts, cocking her head to the side to peek at the former huntsman from behind Emma.

"Yeah," the blonde nodded, her face and voice showing astonishment and worry at the same time, "rolling in his grave and all that shit."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Belle asked in confusion.

"Erm... well, that... he was missing," Snow stammered, "and we all presumed him dead."

Emma followed the ruse to preserve Belle's sanity, as the memories from her past life had not yet come back. "_Mhmm_," she confirmed, "he must've been out of town all this while," she guessed nonchalantly, standing up. "I'm gonna go check on him."

* * *

Regina's thoughts whirled in a vortex as she stared deeply into Graham's dark, fawn eyes - ones that seemed to glisten with innocence and the opposite of cruelty or revenge. She had formulated a few dozen questions - like '_What are you doing here?_', '_How is it even magically possible?_', and '_Are you a zombie?_' crossed her mind as well - and all of them kept getting snatched from her mind suspiciously as soon as they popped into it. She hadn't even realized that she was stuttering, not being able to come up with a decent greeting; she had crushed the man's heart after all, what was she supposed to say? '_Welcome back!_' '_So glad you_'_re not dead._' '_How's the afterlife?_' '_No hard feelings, right?_' '_Do you come in peace?_'

Cora thankfully interrupted Regina's trance slapping the back of her head gently, and she blinked her way back to her current situation.

"H-hi," she nervously exhaled with a tiny whiff.

Graham observed her from head to toe. "You look great," he complimented with a breathtaking smile.

Regina became aware of all the uncertainties and doubts fleeing from her as she realized that Graham didn't even reproach her for the fact that she had killed him. He was... different. A cloak of tenderness mixed with naivety hung upon him, a shade of his enclosed huntsman personality that she had seen on him only before she extracted his heart - before he was her slave. Something was definitely off, because, of all people, _she_ _knew_ that she couldn't bring the ones she loved back from the dead, not unless invoking a very powerful, dark magic and being willing to pay for the consequences.

She didn't know if it was the tequila messing with her brain that had caused her to be so dumbfounded, but she wasn't going to question why his gorgeous, irreproachable self stood there, at the reach of her touch. She sensed a warm feeling creeping onto her limbs, making way onto her heart and face, coloring it apple red. "So, it's true... You're really here," she said, feeling the dizziness float away.

Cora smiled smugly beside Regina. Her plan was working, and it was time to kick things off. "So, who is this _gallant_ fella?" She asked, 'gallant' meaning 'hot piece of ass' by the leering look she gave him.

The mayor shook the stupid smile that had graciously lit up her features and gestured with her hand to introduce the two strangers. "Mother, this is Graham, our... former sheriff, and Graham, this is my... mother, Cora Mills." She observed the civil handshake between the two, expecting Graham to remember Regina's constant irate motives to find and get rid of her mother. No other words came from Graham's lips other than "enchanted to meet you," and her curiosity swelled. How much did he remember from his (and their) past? Her question drowned again as quickly as it came into the back of her mind, and she heard the bartender's jolly voice as he entered the place.

"By the gods of Neverland! Is it really you, wolf boy?" Hook cheered.

"Killy, you old sea dog!" He exclaimed upon recognizing the distinct leather-clad pirate before him, raising his hand.

"Graham, my bloke!" Killian greeted back, and completed the weird and elaborate handshake with his good hand, a gesture that granted them the 'close friends' title before everyone's astonished faces. Not even the jukebox was playing and their loud encounter had drawn everyone into the not-so-spacious room.

Graham afterwards wrapped Killian in a bear hug, being the taller and more brawny of the two, both laughing with enthusiasm.

"Aca-xcuse me," Emma chanted in a wary and unsure tone, waving her hands at them to get their attention.

"Oh, hey, Emma," Graham saluted breaking the brotherly embrace.

"How... When... Are you two friends?!" She quizzed, placing her hands upon her hips.

"_Pfft_! No, not at all, Swan," Killian mocked, rolling his eyes. "I made the mistake of making fun of a huntsman and his wolf on a tavern one night I came to port," he recounted, holding a mug of ale in his hand.

"That you did, yes," Graham beamed, shaking his head, and placed one arm around Killian's shoulders. "You were dressed just like this and were the cockiest, most obnoxious pirate I ever crossed paths with." He snatched Killian's mug from his hand and took a long drink.

Cora was now standing next to Emma, her cheeks puffy from the wide grin she was holding, spellbound by their tale. "And what happened?" She pressed on with her hands clasped, like a little kid who was being told a bedtime story.

"Well, he, being the ill-tempered pariah he was," Killian continued, as if he really needed the encouragement, "nailed my clothes to the wall with his arrows not hurting an inch of my _sacred _body and just as he was about to shoot me in the chest, his she-wolf silenced my pleas by lapping my mouth."

Everyone around them giggled and scoffed and pouted and mumbled in disgust.

_Oh, there goes Belle's sanity down the drain._ Emma thought.

"She was so imprinted on you," Graham explained, "that I had to spare your life. I even had to put up with your snarky self every time you came to port for her sake."

"Ah, my furry bonnie lass... but you're exaggerating, mate," Killian retorted, poking him on the ribs with his finger, "you fell in love with my charming self too quickly, if my memory serves me well."

"No, no, that is not what I remember, _pirate_," Graham countered, punching Killian's shoulder playfully, "being the dastardly villain you claimed to be, you still saved me from that blasted siren that we met in our little crusade to the lake. So, it was _you_ who were quite fond of me."

"I would rather think I saved her _from you_," Killian chuckled, "once you were released from her nasty enchantment, I had to lock you up from switching your life trade to savage fisherman."

"Would you have _really_ killed her?" Dopey, the dwarf, eagerly asked out of curiosity, and David and Mary Margaret silently thanked the heavens he had not.

"I may be a pirate, but I bristle at the thought of a woman losing her heart,"Killian reassured their audience, "unless it's over me," he finished, smirking at Emma, who shot him a dull look, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Let us have a drink for the good, ol' days," Killian offered, entering his barman corner to fill two shot glasses with strong, dark rum. The inscription on the bottle read _Kraken_ and an octopus was portrayed in the label.

He handed one shot to Graham and they tangled their arms that held the drink over the plank, cheering, "Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho!" And with that, all the presents drowned their liquor too.

Ruby walked up to the stage with Belle and the happy tunes of Florence and the Machine's The Dog Days Are Over began to flood the room. Both girls sang cheerfully to the lyrics; even Astrid and Mary Margaret stepped up on the stage to dance, grabbing a couple of tambourines and shaking them with each verse.

_She hid around corners and she hid under beds, she killed it with kisses and from it she fled... The dog days are ove-er, the dog days are go-o-one. The horses are coming, so you better ru-u-un!_

Everyone got back to chatting about their previous subjects, letting go of the strangeness that the appearance of Graham had brought upon the party. Nevertheless, Whale approached Emma and leaned into her ear to whisper, "what the hell?!"

"I have no idea," she honestly answered, "but I bet Cora had something to do with it, and I'm gonna find out."

"Let's hope Cora won't turn him into a zombie, or some kind of undead alien that we have no idea of," the doctor sighed.

"And I thought your specialty were monsters, doc," Emma joked, earning a playful nudge from Victor, "but nope, pretty sure it's that spell I almost caught mommy witch brewing."

"Very well, I'll be with the birthday girl if you need me," he said with a cheeky grin directed at his leggy brunette upon the stage, flashing his prominent fangs that seemed even supernatural for a normal human being, or that's what crossed Emma's thoughts.

"Listen, buddy," she spoke in a menacing tone as she grabbed the lapel of his coat to stop him, "I know you're quite indispensable around here, _but_, if you so much as manage to shed _a tear_ out of my best friend, I'll make sure you wear neck bolts for the rest of your black and white days... Are we clear?" She stared him down.

Whale scoffed, but nodded in acceptance of the fair warning. "Crystal, Sheriff," he said with sincerity in his voice, and then he turned around to pace toward Ruby.

_Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father. Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers. Leave all your love and your longing behind, you can't carry it with you if you want to survive! _The quartet danced around stage in a circle they had formed by linking their arms, kicking each leg forward to the rhythm of the song.

Regina had occupied herself with Graham at the far end of the bar table, whispering to him and running her fingers upon his vest, and Emma chose not to interrupt whatever they were up to, her gaze searching the room for Cora in vain.

"Why is everyone so taken aback with Graham?" Killian asked in a hushed voice when Emma sat in one of the bar stools.

"He's not supposed to be here... alive," Emma confided in the same hushed tone, eyeing the flirtatious couple. "Much less in this good mood," she reasoned.

When she turned her head to look at Killian, his expression was shadowed and concerned. His silence confirmed what Emma had only suspected - magic had brought his friend back. Yet, what they didn't know, was that he only had tonight.

"So, you two were-" Emma shook her head and corrected, "_are_ old friends."

"We _were_ comrades, yes. Much like your version of a bachelor and his wingman, or superhero and sidekick," Killian explained.

"Let me guess... in your version, you were the superhero," Emma offered with a burlesque smile, anticipating his claim to be the best at everything despite the fact that he kept on being bested by everyone, but that she wouldn't tell him.

"Aye, love. You're quite perceptive," he winked as he filled another glass with whiskey for Emma.

"And then what happened? And why did you go to Lake Nostos?" Emma curiously inquired.

Killian rolled his eyes at her, imagining himself in Neverland again with the annoying lost boys firing their thousand questions at him, all pegged to the mast of his ship before they had to walk the plank. "He guided me to the lake so I could try to recover my hand," he told her, placing his hook upon the table, "but complications arose - as we've told - we ensued, and managed to overcome that revolting siren," he recalled, prickling the stubble of his jaw with his fingers.

"And, to answer your other inquiry, we were close until he started working for Regina; he wasn't the same after that, and neither was I, truth be told." Killian sighed heavily as he rubbed his face with his hand. He refilled his shot of dark rum, but stared at it for a few silent moments until his curiosity got the best of him.

"How did he die?" He asked as he drowned the strong liquor, not expecting Emma's answer in the least bit.

She bit her lip as the question reached her ears. "In my arms, actually," she responded with half a smile. "I found out later that Regina had taken his heart a long time ago and had crushed it the minute Graham had decided to stop following her will... and after we had sort of become... uh, _close_?" Her eyes were glassy and distant, and she blamed the alcohol in her bloodstream for confessing this to Killian, of all people.

His heart sunk, knowing full well the feeling of a loved one dying in one's arms, and oddly enough, he wasn't jealous about his buddy's bond with the blonde savior, despite all their past banter and healthy competition. He did not say anything about how he lost his last love in the same way, no. He would dissect that parallel on another time, with a bottle of that spiced rum, perhaps. One day, Emma would know his story too, but for now, he just took her hand in his and rubbed small circles on its back and knuckles until Emma came back to Earth - quite the gloomy view compared to the merry show happening on stage.

* * *

Since Regina had not had anything for dinner, alcohol quickly dazed her, setting her stomach - and other deep, wild instincts - on fire.

"So, you never told me you were best buddies with _Captain Hook_," she told to Graham in a little uneasy tone, her elbows and back seductively reclined upon the bar counter behind her.

"You never asked," Graham simply answered, shrugging his shoulders. But then his casual countenance shifted into an inquisitive, but playful, one. "Do I detect jealousy, Madam Mayor?" He asserted more than questioned, hovering closer to Regina.

"Hmm..." Regina tried to stall her answer, defenses already lower than her heels. "I still get surprised on how well you read me, sheriff," she hummed in a sultry, inviting voice, as her fingers lightly traced the buttons of his vest.

Graham stroked her smooth cheek with the back of his fingers and gave Regina half a smile when she felt her incline her head just a little toward the warmth of his touch. This was the Regina he had tried to uncover all these years. A passionate woman that didn't care about grudges, vengeance or blood lust, but was brave and vulnerable enough - magic free - to admit that all she hoped for was to love and feel loved.

"I've missed you," Graham whispered just loud enough for her to hear, his eyes fixed on her velvety-rose, parted lips.

_'Love is weakness.'_ Her mother's words thundered through her mind and she felt a shock of disgust run through her, involuntarily flinching away from Graham's rugged touch, closing her eyes.

Graham blinked out of confusion from watching Regina's uneasy reaction to his declaration. The woman in front of him still refused to believe that someone - especially when that someone had been one of her victims - could care for her, knowing her at her worst, and still be willing to bet on her. "Regina, look at me," he softly commanded, placing a finger below her chin to lift her face up to meet his, "is that so hard to believe?"

Regina had obeyed Graham and studied the worry lines that crowned his eyebrows and the wrinkles that surrounded his face, not daring to look directly at his eyes. She bit her lip as she pondered his question and could pinpoint remorse, or something incredibly close, invading her mind and paralyzing her body. How could she ever forgive herself for demanding this perfect person to do as she pleased without allowing him to love her? But, of course, he would never be able to do that fully, because she was so selfish and vindictive that she took his heart away. Still, his rope was loose enough to allow him the free-will of choice, and he chose to get away from her because he'd rather have nothing than settle for less...

'_Nothing is better than what we have_.' Graham's words lashed out inside her. _I was the problem_, Regina admitted to herself in the middle of her little epiphany. Just as she had let go of Daniel because she had loved him enough to not see him in pain, she realized she had to let go of Graham too. She had possessed him and toyed with him and used him in the past, and that was beyond repair, but she would never be able to forgive herself if she hurt him again, because, right now, she knew she had loved him. He would become her weakness again, and she wasn't sure of what would happen if he left her like everyone else eventually did.

"I'm sorry, Graham," she pushed him away, shaking her head, "but I can't do this to you again." Regina unwillingly tore her eyes from his hurt, childish face and marched out the door. Or at least that was what she intended on doing...

"Just where do you think you're going, young lady?" Cora blocked Regina's path, her four extremities clung fiercely to the doorway.

"Mother, get out of the way, I need to leave," Regina ordered in her regal voice, her jaw clenched, fighting back the looming tears.

"Oh, no, no, no. You promised that we could stay for the party and we haven't even played beer-pong yet!" Cora chided, her voice strained as she was now struggling with her daughter's temper in trying to flee out of the door. She wasn't going to let her plan go to waste just because Regina had chickened out, no matter the reasons she had.

"I don't care. You can stay," her daughter ranted, trying in vain to disconnect her mother's arms from the threshold, but they were practically glued to the frame. Cora was no doubt using magic, but Regina wouldn't rat her out in front of practically the whole town.

"Baby, please, let's just give the party a chance until midnight and then if you're still willing to go, you may, okay?" Cora (almost) begged in the sweetest, most motherly, calming tone she could muster - and had lately a lot of time to practice.

Regina realized she wouldn't be able to get away from her mother's stubborn will. She definitely didn't know what she was up to, but she glanced at her wristwatch and, seeing there were scarcely thirty minutes to go before the clock struck midnight, she consented, but not without fuming her irritation. "Argh! I hate you!" She let go of her mother and stomped her way to the table farthest from Graham and the bar, which was one of the two tables in front of the stage - the other was currently occupied by the persnickety Blue fairy.

Cora let go of the door frame with a heavy sigh and ran her sleeve, very un-ladylike, through her forehead as she dragged her feet warily toward the bar. "Hook, my sexy-back Captain, keep the booze running," she muttered to the barman with a sly grin, handing over a couple of hundred-dollar bills to the perplexed fella.

Then, she walked up to Regina's table and climbed over it, waving five of the same dollar bills to the crowd inside the room, bellowing, "Hey! Whassup! Listen, you big party poopers! These five hundred babies," she said as she fanned the bills over her face presumptuously, "await to the singing team that gives me - your brutally honest judge Cora Cowell - the biggest _mother eff_ performance of the night! You have thirty minutes to c'mere and get this party started!" And with that, she climbed down and sat with a smug smile, her eyes glued to Hook and Graham, beckoning them to hop onto the stage.

A small smile played as she hopped down from her stool. "I'm gonna go over there, that'll be fun," she merrily said, sensing the party was about to get better, and if it did, she would have to tip her hat off for Cora and make a mental note to invite the cougar to their next girls' night.

"Ah, I see what you're doing, lass!" Hook called to her as he poured assorted liquors into glass shots that were resting over a large plate. "Will you dedicate me a song? If it's one of Katy-_candy_-Perry's, the better!" He had said 'candy' as he ran his damn wet tongue over his damn sexy lips.

Emma had to snatch this opportunity to make fun of him. "Yeah..." she made a show of actually thinking about it, "how about, _you're so gay and you don't even like boys_?" She jested and hummed as she walked back to her friend's table, leaving an amused Killian behind.

Graham let out a small laugh for a change - he had been sitting with slumped shoulders in the farthest stool, moping - and that attracted Killian's attention after he called out to Emma, "you bested me again, Swan, but not for long. I'll make sure you pay for it!"

"Oi! 'Sup with you, lad?" He questioned, faking Graham's Irish accent, with one eyebrow lifted up, even though he had seen that forsaken look many times over the years in many a tavern.

"What else?" Graham said in forlorn, his head cocked to the side as he took out a small dart from his jacket pocket, examining it. "It's Rrrginuh," he muttered.

Killian knew better than to speak before an aggravated man finished letting out his feels, so he merely rested his elbows upon the counter as Graham summarized his little exchange with the Mayor.

"I feel like I can't be corny-honest with her because she locks herself into her fortress every time I try." The chestnut-haired man concluded with a sigh, his expression sad. "I never meant to trouble her by coming back, you know?"

"Hmm... Trouble, you say?" Killian reflected for a second before he felt thunderstruck. "I am bloody brilliant," he scoffed smugly.

"Must everything _always_ be about you?" Graham rolled his eyes at Hook, becoming exasperated by his lack of tact in front of his depressed state. "I thought that all those years in Neverland with Pan had taught you to be less egotistical."

"No, really! I am!" Hook affirmed, cocky as ever. "Do you want to win back your distressing damsel? Or - I mean - damsel in distress?"

Since Graham nodded faintly, he continued in a friendlier tone. "Look, Regina's mum is obviously up to something, and for the first time I'm not completely avert to her idea," Killian analyzed looking over to Cora, whose eyes were about to bulge out of their sockets as she kept fuming toward them. "If you want to _show_ Regina how you feel before she flees in less than half an hour, I have a plan."

Hook extended his hand to Graham as he asked, "are you up for it? For the good ol' memories?" He knew that maybe this was his last chance to help Graham, before he faded away for good. And he didn't divulge just yet the details of his plan, because the reserved and introvert huntsman wouldn't agree to it if he saw the scenario playing on Hook's mind. However, he hoped that the lovestruck man that Graham was now and Hook had never met before would be willing to do something about it.

Killian smiled when Graham's eyes lit up with vague promise. "I have a feeling that I won't like it, much like with every wild plan of yours," he said with a grimace, "but I've already made my choice." He stated and shook his friend's hand in agreement.

"That's the spirit!" Hook cheered, patting Graham's shoulder. "Now, let me pass these shots around first, but in the meantime," he explained, handing over a small, black musical box and headphones, "you might want to listen to this."

* * *

The girls were standing around Blue and Astrid's table, all worked up because of Cora's challenge, engaged in heated discussion as to which song they would sing and who to team up with. Ruby was torn between rocking with Whale to Neon Trees' Animal or singing The Lumineers' Ho Hey with Belle; Mary Margaret, Ashley and Astrid wanted to go all showbiz and sing "I dreamed a dream." Granny wanted to sing something from Barbra Streisand but needed someone with a trained voice to sing during the high notes, which meant, the whole song.

Blue, as expected, didn't want to have any part in the showdown organized by her royal archenemy, the Witch Superior. Katherine decided that she'd sing the chorus and supporting lines of whoever came up first on the stage with a non-sappy song because she was bored as hell and too depressed of not having found Frederick yet.

On her defense, Emma had vehemently refused to participate because it was one thing to sing in the shower than to perform in front of freaking Snow White, who had set the bar high for her daughter in the musical department, so she sat down and zipped her mouth beside Regina, praying to pass inadvertently from the gaze of the excited girls at the fairies' table.

The rest of the guys, for that matter, were not at each others' throats either to demonstrate their abilities, with the exception of Jefferson, who was just too shy to ask someone to partner up with him.

Cora's knee was jerking up and down incessantly, and as the clock ticked by she grew more wrinkles around her eyes, losing her patience and fearing her potion had been wasted, for Regina's ex was nowhere to be seen. _So much for a huntsman in shining armor._

Regina sat begrudgingly in her table, with her arms crossed and elbows above it, hunchbacked - very poor manners for the most feared royalty in her realm and the mayor of this town. She broke her stare on the tablecloth only to sneak a glace at Emma, who had taken a seat near her and was in a similar out-of-place state, her arms and legs crossed.

Just then, the candles from the chandelier above were blown out, eliciting surprised cries from the girls present. By the dim lights of the lamps over the few tables, everyone could see two tall figures climbing onto the stage.

_You're a troublemaker - troublemaker..._ The microphones echoed and the room suddenly burst to life as a rainbow of artificial, rotating lights nailed to the ceiling right above the stage colored it. The flirty guitar chords to Olly Murs' Troublemaker filled the room and the girls squealed again in delight with 'Oh my God's and 'oohh's and 'ah's as they took their seats... All the girls, but Emma and Regina who gaped at the two singers when they stepped onto the lights.

Killian and Graham stood in front of the microphones, the latter looking a little unsure, like a deer on headlights. He shouldn't be worrying about the song because the lyrics were displayed on the small screen on the floor of the stage, but still he was nervous; no pubs on their Fairy World had this karaoke contest.

Killian, however, was enjoying this too damn much for his own good. This song had stuck with him since he'd first heard it on Ruby's musical contraption, because the lyrics reminded him about his banters with Emma and their constant tug-and-pull to confirm her attraction to him, which she always managed to deny. Even if he'd come up on stage to help out Graham, he hoped to gain the Swan girl's attention as well. "_Ha! __You ain't nothing but a troublemaker girl_," he purred into the mike, shooting a wink to his astonished blonde.

Emma had to bite her lip to keep her open mouth from drooling before Killian could get that satisfaction, but he was already singing to her a slightly modified version of the song.

"_You had me 'hooked' again from the minute you tied me down_, _the way you bite your lip_,_ got my head spinnin' around_..." He smirked as he tapped the floor to the rythm of the music with one foot, the other supporting his full weight. "_After a punch or two, I was putty in your hands, I don't know if I have the strength to stand... Oh-oh-oh..._"

Right before the bridge, Killian glanced to his right side to queue Graham with a nod to make his entrance, and surprisingly he followed him without hesitation - the sight of Regina still gaping at him gave him the push he needed to throw himself fully at his task. It was all or nothing, now. "_Trouble, troublemaker, yeah, that's your middlename, oh-oh-oh..._"

Killian began to rock his hips forward and slam his fist against his hipbone in a manner that should children have been present, they would have been marked for life, while Graham easily copied his moves. Emma and Regina flushed bright red at the hotness emanating from their unwanted prospects and couldn't tear their eyes away when they pointed their fingers at them. "_I know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain, and I wanna know..._"

"_Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh-oh-oh_," both sang in perfect synchronized pitch. "_My mind keeps saying run as fast as you can._" Graham tugged his tie loose without breaking eye contact with Regina, so she could receive the message, "_I say I'm done but then you pull me back, oh-oh-oh..._" Killian stuck his hook between two buttons of his vest and patted his chest to simulate his beating heart as they chanted, "_I swear you're giving me a heart attack! Troublemaker!_"

Graham used both hands to slowly unbutton his vest while he sang the next phrases, changing Killian's previous instructions, "_it's like you're always there in the corners of my mind, I see a silhouette every time I close my eyes..._" He finally shrugged the vest off and lassoed it, all the single girls bewitched and screaming, making _grabby hands_ at him, but he finally whirled the vest up and it fell purposefully on Regina's lap. "_There must be poison in those finger tips of yours,_" he continued, tracing his hands over his mouth and down his blue shirt, provocatively, to his abs and belt, "'_cause I keep comin' back again for more, oh-oh-oh..._" he curled his finger toward Regina, motioning her to come onto the stage.

When they hit the bridge lines again, Graham lifted his arms and clapped his hands hitting each phrase twice and the audience eagerly imitated him. "_Trouble, troublemaker, yeah, that's your middlename, oh-oh-oh... I know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain, and I wanna know..._"

Killian never broke his heavy and lecherous eye contact with Emma, swaying his hips seductively in those tight, leather pants of his, following the rhythm of the music. "_Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh-oh-oh... My mind keeps saying, run as fast as you can..._" He raked and tousled his hair with his good hand, making Astrid, Belle and Katherine swoon open-mouthed in front of him. "_I say I'm done but then you pull me back, oh-oh-oh... I swear you're giving me a heart attack, troublemaker!_"

As they repeated the chorus, two bras fell onto the stage, previously hitting the oblivious singers before falling onto the wooden floor - one was a purple, cheetah-print, lacey push up, and the other was simple, white and cotton wireless, rimmed in red fabric, and a bit too large.

Ruby recognized the white bra and turned around to see Granny standing upon a chair behind their table, humping and squealing at the sexy performers. "YEAH, Granny!" Ruby chimed at her nana, lifting her hands up and twisting her fingers into horns.

Regina had the strangest feeling she had seen that racy bra in her washer and then shook her head in denial, turning it toward her mother. "Was that yours!?"

Cora was animatedly shimmying her now loose boobs, chewing the cherry stem of her cocktail, when she was abruptly interrupted from the eye-candy show by her daughter's high-pitched voice. "What? If you're not gonna tap _that_," she pointed to Graham's rear end as he faced the audience from his right side, rocking his hips, "I will!"

Regina's face ignited red with fury. "MOTHER!" She screamed in indignation. Even though Cora was just annoying her, she couldn't possibly remove the mental image of her naked, wrinkled mother with these two bastards.

But Cora was basking on the display of sexiness upon stage. "Oh come on! I still got some shaggy moves left in me, " she said winking at Regina. "Do you think they'd let me hire them for the night?" She teased pulling a few dollars out of her pocket, knowing which precise buttons to press to draw jealousy out of her daughter so she could _finally_ do something about it.

Regina was about to protest, lifting a finger up in the air, when she felt something warm and wet lick it, and she jerked her hand away and her head in shock to see Graham dancing close, really close to her and _low_, his thighs almost hitting her lap because he placed his feet on each side of her seat. She had to lean back fully onto her chair and lift up her hands defensively to press them against Graham's chest, to keep him from coming closer to her, even though his face was inches away from hers and he smoldered at her while singing.

"_Maybe I'm insane, 'cause I keep doing the same damn thing: thinking one day we gon' change, but you know just how to work that back and make me forget my name..._" He rapped while he tugged his shirt out of his pants and stroked Regina's arms up and down with his free hand, enjoying the goosebumps he was provoking, "w_hat the hell you do? I won't remember, I'll be gone again forever_," he winced when he felt a spank no doubt from horny Cora, "_and you'll cry for me again next summer, yeah!_" But Regina was too breathless and static, sweaty palms pressed against his strong chest, to notice. She felt as if she had been struck by a disease, her temperature rising to feverish levels.

Emma had expected Killian to come down the stage too when she saw Graham invading Regina's personal space so she stood up in a daring stance. Her weight was shifted onto one leg, leaning her hips toward her right side, and her hands were perched on each side of her hipbones. Her head was cocked to the right side too, and her glare and smirk were dangerously inviting to the smug pirate.

Killian took advantage of his break as Graham sang to shrug out of his red vest in a swift move, letting it fall to the wooden floor. His black, silken shirt was unbuttoned but still tucked in his leather pants and he prowled the distance between Emma and the stage, locking his eyes in hers.

As he passed the girls, Belle whined, pouting, "aww my Gawwd, he has the hots for Emma!" Ruby fanned herself with one hand and her other hand fanned Belle's fuschia face, "I know," she giggled in dismay. Mary Margaret stood beside them with her palms upon her cheeks, trying to conceal her constant blush away from David's gaze, not that he was much too jealous or anything, no. He stood between Jefferson and Sean, their hands clenching his shoulders to prevent him from launching himself to tackle Hook. He was currently more worried about his daughter who was dressed in that red, tight, little dress and he feared the pirate would try to lay his filthy hand _and_ hook on her.

Killian was standing in front of her now, staring her down as he rocked his full torso, his hairy chest and toned abs peeking from his shirt with each thrust. "_Typical middle name is Stubborn, fit you like a glove, girl, I'm sick of the drama, __you're a troublemaker_..." He tried to hook some part of her dress to pull her flush against him, but every time he reached out, Emma used her arms to block him, much like the time they were sword-fighting at the lake. He seized the chance of one of Emma's blocks hurled at him and he hooked her wrist to lead her to the stage but when he turned around she swiftly twisted his arm and shoved him with her heel away from her. Nevertheless, he looked back at her with a smirk and open arms, finishing his rap part, "_but damn girl it's like I love the trouble, and I can't even explain why!_"

Upon seeing Emma's rejection of Hook's advances, Cora, Granny, Belle, Katherine and Astrid eagerly followed Graham and Killian back onto the stage, like hormonal teenage girls carried away by a group of medium-class, fair-haired singers. Notwithstanding their age differences, the girls danced between Killian and Graham, swirling their hips on motions of '8' and running their hands over the singer's shoulders, chests and back as the final chorus resonated in the room.

The song came to an end, the spinning lights went out and the room was filled with cheers and a thunderous applause. Even the dwarves and Gepetto were clapping for the bold dancers. Only David and Emma remained unfazed by the show, and the blonde shook her head in annoyance when he heard Hook bark in sassy arrogance over the microphone, "thank you, Storybrooke! We love you!"

Regina stood up from her seat, holding Graham's vest in her hands, stupefied by the three-minute scene that managed to wake her enclosed libido, now rattling inside her violently. She would need to find a way to vent all those pent up frustrations mixed with desire and the longing produced by her prized possession, who gave the greatest performance of his life, and all for her. Her inner, naughty conscience protested that he had left her lap too soon - _the things he could do to her_, still in his uncertain state of unrest.

Graham had hopped down from the stage first, extending his strong arms to help his doting, crazed fan club down the not-so-perilous platform. Regina clutched and twisted his vest, her insides mimicking her hands' actions, a vicious glare settling onto her face. If her gaze could kill, she'd be the most powerful sorceress in all the realms.

At last the huntsman came to stand in front of her with a playful expression. "I always loved how that only garment looked on you," he growled in a low voice, his eyes flickering to his vest and back to hers, and Regina felt her legs turn into jelly.

"Did you, now?" Regina used her lower octave voice, her angry Medusa glare swapping into one of salacious ingenuity as she smiled.

He welcomed her reply with a wide grin, placing his fingers tentatively below her waist, pulling her close. "Do you believe me now?" His warm, spicy breath flooded her nostrils, dazing her mind.

"A-about what?" Regina stammered a little, but tried to compose herself to understand his question.

"You know very well," Graham accused in a hush, his finger tracing random figures on her neck and jaw, "what I confessed earlier." His finger reached the edge of her plump lower lip and it trembled open to draw a heavy breath.

Regina felt electrified to life by his touch, and wanted so badly to formulate an equal answer to his "_I've missed you_" but her brain was in such a state of shock that she could only gape at him, not being able to utter a single word. Her instincts and her body quarreled on whether or not to close the distance between their mouths already.

Graham sensed his battle was almost won; he was feeling her stubbornness dissolve under his caress. He still wanted her to make the choice though, so he straightened his neck, taking his lips further away from her reach, and offered with a smolder, "I'll be at the bar helping out Killian if you _choose_ to join me."

She couldn't believe his nerves. How could he stay so calm while summoning a storm to raze with her feelings? He was a bloody tease and she was going to give him a taste of his own medicine. But of course her plan backfired immediately, for who would be bold enough to team up with her?

* * *

The pirate had hopped down the stage toward Emma with the widest grin she had ever seen on him, his face lit up by the thrill of their success and the well-earned sweat that clung to his forehead and cheekbones. He jumped in shock when he felt a sneaky hand pinch his ass and the guilty lady, still dazed by the seduction oozing from the dark singer, grabbed his hand and commented, "you have an _amazing_ talent, Captain. You have my vote."

Killian couldn't help but smile genuinely at Granny. "Thank you, milady," he acknowledged, kissing her clammy hand. "I believe this is yours," he chuckled, handing Granny her undergarment, and she snatched it promptly, running away with a bashful look.

Emma laughed at the scene, calling his attention. "Swan, it's a shame you didn't come up on stage to rock with me," he teased as he pulled back a curtain of blonde hair, grazing her collarbone, his hand lingering on the back of her arm. "But I'm sure you were... _properly_ entertained down here," he growled as he stepped closer to her his hand reaching her lower back.

"Hook," Emma warned with a low, sultry voice, "gimme my personal space back or I'll have to arrest you."

"On what grounds?" Killian laughed, tilting his head back. "I've done nothing and if I recall correctly, you need a warrant," he said, pointing at her chest with his metallic appendage.

Emma was surprised by his calculated words and the fact that he had informed himself about the laws of this world - he was a pirate, after all - but she still she felt uneasy _or thrilled?_ in being stalked by him every other day. She took one step closer toward him, causing the curve of his hook to gently snag the fabric over her cleavage without tearing Ruby's lent dress. "Oh, you're awfully chipper for a stalker, _buddy_," she accused with disdain. "Do you know what a restraining order is?" She murmured, her eyes half-shut into a glare.

Hook smirked devilishly, relishing in the beguiling way Emma played her cards. "As it happens, I do. But, first of all, we pirates don't _stalk;_ we scout... probe the terrain, if you prefer. And as for the restraining order, I'd be more excited if you came to me with a search warrant, _if you know what I mean_," he insinuated, licking his lower lip as his hook traveled sluggishly down into Emma's cleavage.

Emma shivered as the cold metal grazed her warmer-than-normal chest, and she fought hard to suppress a heated blush in vain, her blood boiling up with a hammering beat into her ears. "That's it! To the brig, you filthy pirate!" She hissed out of frustration for her unexpected, girlish reactions, even if she had planned to lock him up all night along. Her hands removed his hook from her chest, but he used it to cuff her wrists in a swift move, immobilizing her attempts to punch him.

"About bloody time 't was my turn to tie you up! Tho, I wonder," he pondered, his head titled toward Emma to catch her enticing scent, "where... do you... keep your cuffs?" He asked her, raking her body with his heated gaze.

"In David's jacket," she smiled smugly as she looked over at David who was fuming at him like a bull ready to stomp toward his victim.

So daddy's little girl was going to ask for help. Killian never felt threatened enough by the prince. In fact, Hook considered it amusing how the man seethed for each little dig he came up with, directed either at Emma or her same-age mother. "You want Prince Charming to do the honors?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. "How twisted," he tsked.

"Hook! Where's my booze?! _Gimme_..." Cora interrupted their chit-chat, appearing to be a little light-headed and making a show of falling onto the Blue Fairy's lap, who was loudly reprimanding Astrid for her recklessness and ungodly behavior.

"Oh sweet Jesus!" Cora bellowed as Hook helped her stand up quickly, "please forgive me, Motherly Superior, how old is it?" She asked, patting Blue's bulged out tummy, that wasn't _that_ big, but the witch had always enjoyed her verbal bullying.

The fickle fairy scoffed in indignation and rose up, clenching hard Astrid's arm, "let's go, Nova, these people aren't worth our time." And she bolted through the door, dragging the gullible, younger fairy with her.

Cora smiled as if nothing had happened, perfectly sober, and ordered Killian to bring Jäger Bombs for everyone, on her tab. Emma could see that Cora was holding a wand - possibly Blue's - but then it instantly disappeared from her hands.

Emma blinked, fearing her last shot of rum had caused her to hallucinate, and then felt soft lips and scruffiness upon her cheek. Hook had exploited her dumbstruck phase to kiss her quickly before he vanished with a wicked grin into the small cupboard behind the bar. She was so flustered by his forwardness that she forgot all about Blue's stolen wand and stumped toward David to ask him to fetch her cuffs from her jacket - obviously to arrest Hook and take him to jail, not to chain him to the lamp post outside, because she could bet that the pirate would get pole-dancing ideas.

"Don't you dare to turn your back on me, sheriff!" A familiar, bossy voice called behind her.

"I was going to arrest the bastard!" Emma sulked as she whirled around to face the Mayor.

"Language!" Regina ordered, "this is a public event, unofficially officiated by me, so you better keep your dirty little mouth in check or the one getting arrested is you."

"_Ugh_, Regina!" Emma bellowed, "if you hate me that much then why can you possibly want me around?"

Regina looked at her nails pensively, rubbing them against the lapel of her blouse before explaining herself, "well... I believe those brats bested us. After all I am the Mayor and I am expected to come out victorious of any challenge in my path-"

"_Regina_, what do you want?" The blonde asked curtly.

Not to Emma's surprise, Regina ignored her question and proceeded with the rant. "And you can see it as an opportunity to lay down your law... I don't know, teach the pirate a lesson on who's boss _methinks_. If there is _really _nothing going on between you two, of course."

Emma still didn't understand what the Mayor was implying, "you mean, it's payback time?"

Regina rolled her eyes at her expression, "right, I forgot I was talking to an employee at the service of the general populace."

Emma felt insulted now, and it took every ounce of her non-intoxicated blood to keep her from lashing out at Regina in front of everyone. "And I don't know 'bout you, but I can find a million ways to get the bloody pirate to pay for his crimes dolefully. So I'm outta here-" She started to back away when Regina stopped her, pulling her arm.

"No, you can't-"

"Why?" Emma was really exasperated now, throwing her hands up toward the heavens. "Regina if you want my help, just ask for it!"

After a few seconds Regina explained, biting her lower lip, "as luck would have it, I have not been blessed with a... _chirpy_ voice, unlike-"

"Oh my God! You're going to sing! So that's why you hated Snow, right? She could chirp with the birdies, haha," Emma couldn't stop herself from laughing, remembering the original Disney movie of Snow White, "and summon squirrels and a-ha-ttract princes-hahaha!"

Regina wanted to shut her up before she divulged her plan to the whole audience. "Sheriff Swan! Get a grip of yourself!"

"Gladly! But I just did a few hours ago on a _very_ accommodating bathtub," Emma smirked, internally labeling the porcelain tub her 'happy place'. "You should try it sometime."

"Gross! You're unbelievable!" Regina grimaced, not wanting to picture the sheriff's private stress-outlets.

"It's not my fault you're such a prude and can't learn to talk without throwing innuendos, your majesty," Emma justified. "How old are you, again? Besides, I never heard a '_please_', or a '_would you be so kind?_', or '_Emma, I'll be eternally grateful if you chose to help me-_'"

"You would have done the same," Regina replied harshly.

"Actually, no." Emma countered with a serious look, and since Regina wasn't about to yield, she gave up. "Very well, _your highness_, I'm sure you're more than capable of defending yourself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a whiskey waiting for me. Good luck convincing someone to sing with you!" Emma exclaimed, backing away.

"Miss Swan! Why do you always have to play hard to get?" Regina scolded.

"No, I don't always..." Emma rationalized warily. "Just ask me nicely."

"E-Emma," Regina stammered, a scowl forming on her mouth as if the apple turnover tasted like burnt toast. "Would you like to, team up for a hell of a backslapping?"

"I'd rather call it ass-kicking - sounds a lot more intimidating," Emma corrected, her eyes squinted. "But I didn't hear a _please,_" she said, cupping her ear with her hand.

"I don't beg," Regina stated, shaking her head.

Emma was too caught up on her jesting at Regina that she couldn't help herself. "Well I don't grovel for free either. See you on Monday!" She chimed as she turned around.

"All right! All right," Regina shouted and Emma halted. "Miss Swan, could you... _pleaseteamupwithme_?" She quickly asked before the question soured her mouth.

Emma smiled wickedly at her, "oh, it's on like Donkey Kong! But only if I pick the song, I'm the lead vocalist after all, I can get away with my diva attitude." She said, strolling to the jukebox, Regina clicking her heels as she chased her.

"I'm the Mayor, sheriff, don't forget your place. I have the final vote," her royal voice demanded.

Emma wasn't paying attention to her 'intimidation' anymore as she climbed over the stage with a little difficulty because of her too-tight dress and eyed the set list, "how about... Stupid Grin? Have you heard it before?"

"Uhm, yes, but it's too far out of my musical repertoire," Regina's lips puckered in disgust. "Does it have anything from Joss Stone?"

The sheriff sneered at the thought, "nope, not a chance, I don't _do_ Joss Stone, and come on! This is the perfect sassy payback song! They'll never know what hit 'em!"

Regina had no other choice but to yield to her partner's will and experience on the matter, sighing in defeat. "Well, if the lyrics fit..."

"Oh, trust me, they so do!" Emma rolled her eyes at the brunette, pushing the combination for the catchy, Dragonette's melody.

"Fine, but I'm warning you, nothing overly kinky or perverse," Regina requested with a stern look, "or you won't get Henry to sleepover for at least a year from now. Agreed?"

"Well of course, your highness..." Emma curtseyed sloppily and walked over to the microphones tapping them to see if they were turned on. "Is your conception of me that low?"

"Clearly you've never been to other magical worlds," Regina mocked, "so, whatever you may think_ low_ is, you're probably way off the mark."

Emma forced an emotionless smile and she muttered under her breath, "and clearly you've been to hell AND back."

"Excuse me, sheriff?!" Regina fumed at the blonde's crass attitude.

Emma tried to change the phrase into something less offensive, "I said you and I should get the hell over with this cra-...p." She stopped too late, realizing the microphones had been suddenly turned on. She giggled nervously, her gaze jumping from face to face; all of their audience had shut up and scrutinized the odd pairing, especially her parents, who had 'unbelievable', 'shocking' and 'traitorous' scribbled all over their faces. "Okay, everyone," she chanted in a skittish, high-pitched voice, "here's our very special - and _once upon a lifetime_ - duet, dedicated to two scruffy-looking teasers who we very much hope will understand the depth of our _true feelings_ toward them," she gestured in false illusion, a hand placed upon her chest.

Graham and Killian had been standing over at the bar, one half-filling shots with a blue energizing drink and the other emptying the alcohol into the other half, but now they were both reclined on each side of the bar plank. One looked surprised and expectant, and the other smirked, mouth watering in anticipation for the upcoming, flirty show.

Emma flourished her hand to signal Regina to push the _play_ button, her eyes locked up with Killian's. "Hit it, Maestro!"

* * *

_A/N: And it's a wrap for now! **How was the dance for you? Smexy enough?** I hope you liked this update, because writing from Regina's POV is something entirely new to me. It was killing me...__ not to mention the main song of this chapter with the sexy moves and all that was really easy to imagine but obscenely hard to put into words, hehe. And I had to give Cora a different personality than what she appears to have in the series. Excuse me if this was too OOC, but I love toying around with her! Skywita, please love me more!_

___Thanks again for your support! :) You're the best!_

___Coming up... Sassy!Emma and Teaser!Regina sing and dance to Dragonette's Stupid Grin to intoxicate our favorite Irish-scruffed, hot bastards. ;) Also, Wild!Cora uses magic to conjure certain... party boosters!_

___I'll appreciate your feedback in how I portrayed the characters or song suggestions/performances that you may like to see! I'll see what I can come up with! ;)_


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